DEBORAH HAWLEY Motherhood and God

As Christians we know God as our Father, because this is how Jesus his Son taught us to address him. At the same time the idea of his motherhood, which is also found in Scripture, can offer us an insight into our relationship with God and into the Carmelite vocation. The prophet Isaiah, for example, tells us that God will console his people 'as a mother comforts her child' (Is 66:13), and Jesus addresses the people of Jerusalem using the image of a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings (cf. Mt 23:37).

Those who are called to the Carmelite Order also place themselves under the protection of Mary, the one chosen by God to be the mother of his Son.' They cultivate a devotion to her as the 'Mother of the Order'.7 I write as a Secular Carmelite, whose spirituality links into my secular life. In this case it is the life of a wife and mother, of a stepmother and mother-in-law, who has spent many years working with families. I have also received a new dimension to my spiritual life, with the gift of a grandson; this has probably been the most unexpected joy of all, because I do not think that I could ever have anticipated the depth of love which I have for this little boy.

My own involvement with maternity led me to wonder whether we, as we give ourselves to Christ, can also offer the gift of 'spiritual maternity' to the Church and the world.

NATURAL MOTHERHOOD A generous love

In order to answer this question, I first considered the way in which natural motherhood can enhance our human nature. And I realised that it is easier to see and feel the effect of a mother's love than it is to define this love. I have watched, it begin and grow in women I have cared for as a health visitor, and I have seen young, unsupported mothers give the same generous love to their children as those who have waited for their children through many empty years. Recent scientific studies confirm my intuition that this love is not only consoling, it is also essential. It is this earliest love relationship that nurtures the whole human personality. As I write this, though, I am aware of a similar birth of love and compassion in fathers, a topic which also deserves consideration.

I am not restricting the designation of 'mother' to those who are biological mothers. Although motherhood may involve conception, pregnancy and birth, these are not the only route to maternity. When a parish priest prayed for 'all mothers and all who take on a maternal role' on Mothering Sunday, I thought of all those people, married or single, secular or religious, who are led to take on a maternal role; I thought in particular of an unmarried friend who has spent many years giving children her maternal love.

Similarly, I am not thinking only of ideal mothers. There are no perfect mothers in our world, and there are many who struggle to be the best they can be in adverse circumstances. These are still mothers, even when the tasks of motherhood are beyond them.

A nurturing role

I think that the maternal role is centred on the idea of nurture, which includes guidance, counsel and care for others. This care may be physical, emotional or spiritual as with spiritual guidance and direction. What seems to me essential is that a mother has a continuing loving awareness of her child. This develops over time, and in this way a mother grows as her children grow. This is important because who she is matters more than what she does. John of the Cross makes the same point regarding spiritual directors, when he tells us that the spirituality of the director is more important than the guidance he or she gives (cf. LF 3:30).

As the mother herself grows, she holds her child in her mind. This experience is visceral as well as intellectual: it relates to the body as well as to the mind. She feels an aching emptiness when separated from her child. 'I know how you feel,' a friend said to me when I had to leave my young child for the first time. 'In your mind you know he will be all right, but inside you something is missing.'

Perhaps this is because maternal love comes from the 'heart', just like God's love which flows from every part of his 'heart and soul' (Jer 32:41) — a heart that 'aches for us' with love.3 He loves us from his heart and holds us in his heart. And however powerful our maternal love, God's love is even stronger: 'Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!' (Is 49:15). And if we live in union with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, we may offer others even more than our natural maternal love: we may also offer them our spiritual maternity.

SPIRITUAL MATERNITY

Mary, the community and the world

Spiritual maternity is exemplified in the person of the Virgin Mary. As she stood at the foot of the Cross, Jesus gave her to his disciple John — who represents all of us — and he also gave John to Mary (cf. Jn 19:26-27), thus bestowing on her this new maternity. It is a ministry that requires our submission to God's will (cf. Lk 1:38) and dependence on Christ.

Those who are Secular Carmelites exercise their ministry in the context of 'the world'. We do not usually live within our communities, although the community offers prayerful support to its members as they take up their tasks. In order to serve our brothers and sisters as Jesus would, we pray to have his love for each one of them. If I cannot love them, I will not progress in my love for Christ. Likewise, if I do not grow in love for Christ, then I will have little to offer my community. To use St Paul's analogy of the body: if one of us is hurt, then the whole body is disabled (cf. I.Cor 12:26). Our fraternal love is essential: because our work of love, which transforms the Church and the world, is done by the whole Carmelite community in us.

Spiritual and natural maternity

Teresa of Avila admitted to feelings of compassion for spiritual people who have to live in the world (cf. L 37:11). Our identity as Secular Carmelites means that we may be called to meet many concrete needs as well as being 'spiritual mothers'. So, one person may have the care of young children or elderly parents, another may have a ministry with the sick, and a third may work in health or education, social work or commerce. Whatever the setting, the Secular Carmelite is called to combine 'natural' maternal love with spiritual maternity.

Self-offering without limits

Spiritual maternity may be less visible than the natural kind. It begins with the offering of ourselves to Christ, in the context of obedience to the Order and to the Church, 'for the sake of the Church and the world'.4 It includes a demanding commitment: to the Church, to communal and personal prayer, to meditation and contemplation. It involves prayer for our clergy as well as for the laity, and may include providing spiritual guidance, catechesis and evangelisation. At the same time, like all baptised Christians, a Carmelite should pray, and strive, to grow in love for God and others. As Teresa teaches us, our spiritual life should give birth to good works (cf. IC VII:4:6).

Our spiritual maternity will have no end. We can respond to the demands it places on us only with faith, hope and love — trusting in God's grace to enable us to meet these demands,

More being than doing

Whatever else she provides or does, a mother's presence brings solace, whether she is beside the cot, at the end of a phone line or at the foot of the cross. A mother carries her child, firstly in her womb and then in her arms, before setting him on his own two feet and watching him grow in independence. At the same time, that child is carried in her heart; she is always conscious of him, even if he is far away or dies. She never ceases to be his mother.

Similarly, our vocation requires us to hold each person in our hearts; and, as we live in Christ, this means we also hold them in our prayer. This may seem to be an overwhelming task, but we can see how it may be done from the autobiography of Therese of Lisieux (cf. SS, p. 194).5 Here we learn that, as she identifies herself with the love of Jesus, so she discovers that there is, in a sense, no need to pray for those whom she loves: for they, too, will be drawn with her `into the shoreless ocean of (His) love' (SS, p. 254). If we trust the word of this Carmelite saint and Doctor of the Church, we can be confident that our union with Christ will also draw others to him.

Obedience and trust

Foremost among our models of trust in God is the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she will help us to grow in confidence in Christ. She is the model of one who offers her spiritual maternity for all who need it, and she helps us to give the same gift of spiritual motherhood to those who are placed in our care. She carried Jesus, unseen, in her body and in her heart. Although he was formed by her, as well as by his heavenly Father, she never points to herself but draws us ever closer to him and counsels us to obey him. So, for example, she says to the servants at the wedding feast of Cana: 'Do whatever he tells you' (Jn 2:5); she says this, knowing that when we do trust and obey him, he will open our eyes to see just who he is. In a similar way we are called to help others, including our brothers and sisters in Carmel, into a closer relationship with the Lord. This mission, of course, reaches beyond the Carmelite community — into the whole Church and, through the Church, into the world. Again, it is what we are, more than what we do, that has the most effect: because our desire for Christ is the very centre of our calling. We love Christ because he, in obedience to the Father, loved us first and loved us unto death. Love unites us with him, and we bear fruit through this union (cf. Jn.1.5:1-11).

Love's fruitfulness

We may not be aware of the fruits of our spiritual maternity. We may undertake many activities for others but, faced with their suffering which we cannot ease, all we may have to offer is a loving awareness like Mary's as she stood at the foot of the Cross. The results of such love lie beyond our understanding.

Again, we can look to the example of St Therese, as she offered herself to the Church. She longed to do many things but was aware of her own limitations. Then she considered St Paul's discussion of service in the Church and his description of love, in his First Letter to the Corinthians (cf. 1Cor 12-13) — and there, she found her vocation as love in the heart of the Church (cf. SS, p. 194). She was appointed to help form the novices, and she gave spiritual guidance to sisters, priests and missionaries; but her greatest gift to the Church was the offering she made of herself to Jesus Christ. Through her generous love she shared something of his Passion and willingly entered into a terrible experience of darkness, which she offered to God for the salvation of others. All this brings us back to the question posed at the beginning of this article: as to whether, as we give ourselves to Christ, we can also offer the gift of 'spiritual maternity' to the Church and the world. I would suggest that we can, if we do so in the way that Mary did. Her spiritual maternity was the fruit of her submission to God and trust in Jesus. If we say 'yes' to our ministry and also 'remain in Christ' (Jn 15:4), then even though we may doubt our own ability to be spiritual as well as natural mothers, we will bear fruit. Such fruit can nurture our Order, our Church and the world.

The author is a Secular Carmelite and an associate tutor with the Maryvale Institute, where she completed an MA in Pastoral and Educational Studies, for which she wrote a dissertation on Therese. A mother of six, she currently works at children's centres, providing support to new mothers. In this article, she begins by considering the nature of motherhood, which leads her to reflect on spiritual maternity — and how a Secular Carmelite can offer this gift to the Church and the world.