by Sr. Mary Theodore Therese, O.Carm.
When Our Lord, Jesus Christ, turned water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana, the headwaiter said, "...you have kept the best wine until now." That's how I feel about my life here in Carmel at Our Lady of Grace Monastery. God has blessed us exceedingly with his merciful love, grace and compassion to be able to live lives of consecrated devotion to Christ and our Blessed Virgin Mary in service of the Church and all humanity.
Simply, it's a miracle that I am here! It is the realization of the grace God planted in me at the moment of my childhood conversion at the Billy Graham Crusade in Indianapolis, Indiana, when my devout parents took my older sister and me along with them to hear Billy Graham preach. I was about seven years old and was so deeply moved by what I heard that I was ready, "to do whatever He tells you."
I will always be extremely grateful and indebted to my parents, Ralph and Catherine McWilliams, for their great love for God and the conscious living of their Christian faith. Their witness in sacrifice and love still lives on in my heart, shaping and influencing my path. In hindsight, I can now see how each twist and turn in my life was creating an important piece of this sacred puzzle that is still continuing to be shaped, formed and fitted together according to God's will and grace.
One such turn was becoming the caregiver of my mom which meant moving back to Indianapolis, and leaving my job in New York. I was taking a huge, frightful leap into the unknown. As it turned out, it became the most important "leap" that paved the way to the Catholic Church and to Carmel. By being in Indianapolis, I ended up with a firm which on a long-term project brought me to Austin, Texas.
One huge factor in my Catholic conversion was my love for Blessed John Paul II and his insistent call to holiness. In the spring of 2005 when Pope John Paul became ill for the last time, I was devastated and daily watched, prayed and cried along with the rest of the world
out of gratitude for all he meant to us.
I entered Austin's Saint Mary Cathedral for the first time to attend the Pope's funeral via satellite TV immediately it seems that a connection was made between me and the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary, shrouded in darkness nearby. At first, I thought it was my imagination yet the feeling of her warmth and compassion was very real. I found myself returning often to the Cathedral for Mass services. Within the year, I began attending their RCIA class and came into the Church Easter, 2006. Several weeks later, I saw a flyer for a vocation retreat. Calling to get information, I found out about the First Profession of Vows for a Carmelite Nun that was to take place in Christoval, Texas. I was invited to attend. Rounding that corner and seeing the beautiful steeple of this holy place rise up out of God's earth as if it had been hidden for all time, I instantaneously knew that this was the place I have been searching for all my life!
Bishop Michael Pfeifer, O.M.I., was there. After the ceremony, he greeted me with such joyful liveliness, I felt right at home. Shortly thereafter, I visited again and to my surprise, the Bishop had come for a visit as well. I felt it was a confirmation from God that this is where he wanted me to be.
Still, it took a lot of discernment and questions to myself like "Have you completely lost your mind? After all you've worked for in life, you're going to give it up to become a nun?" Then the childhood memories came flooding back. The times when I told my Dad that I wanted to be a nun—and we weren't even Catholic! Where did that thought come from? How God works his wonders in us from the very beginning without our being aware!
Since I was a new convert, I was asked to wait at least two years and I am thankful I did. The Catholic faith is such a rich and deep treasure that those few years gave me more time to develop a greater hunger for the Word of God and to experience life as a Catholic.
Carmel! The Garden of God—the deep well of refreshment in His Presence, the challenge to open one's heart and surrender to his will and design.
Carmel, the desert—often barren and arid where only faith and hope provide deep roots as one waits to see his face.
Carmel, the wellspring of the great saints who tell us to trust, to trust and to wait, that God is ever-present beyond our deepest sensing and closer to us than our own breath.
Carmel, the place of true community and service so that not only we but all humanity can feed from the love of God that "has been poured into our souls by the Holy Spirit that has been given to us."
In summary, I am becoming a cloistered Carmelite nun so that, in poverty, I can become rich in grace; in obedience, attain true freedom; and in chastity, perfect purity of heart so that I can try to show God with this great love that he has given me how much I love him by living for him alone and serving and loving his people and his Church!
* Carmelite Preview Fall 2011/Winter 2012
